Here are the do’s and don’ts of taking selfies:
Do take a sexy selfie to show off something, such as a new underwear,
or a naughty bruise;
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Don’t take a nude selfie if there is anyone else within a 4 mile radius that can take the fucking photo for you.
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Do take a naked selfie if you want to send the pic to someone as a means to entice them into sleeping with you.
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Don’t take a nude selfie if you want the photos of yourself for your Craigslist ad, or to make your cousin jealous that he will never be able to hit that since you are related.
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Don’t take a nude selfie if you want the entire world to pity you. Spend the time researching a good therapist instead, you pitiable attention whore.
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Do take a naked selfie if you want to show someone your surroundings, especially if you are somewhere cool, like a jungle, or Neil Patrick Harris’s sex dungeon.
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Don’t take a nude selfie if you are on the toilet. EVER.
P.S. I have probably broken 90% of these rules, but I never said I was perfect, even though I look perfect in the naked selfies I take, from an upwards angle while I am peeing, sitting down.
